Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Anticipation: Clerks II

Got a heads up a couple of weeks ago from a friend, about the coming sequel for Clerks.

This guy was an ex-housemate. Shared an apartment with him for almost 2 years. Filthy boy. Colour blind, and also blind to dust. He sleeps with a warren of dust bunnies in his room, and we always try to keep his room door shut to contain the miasma of evil odours.

But otherwise, he's a fun guy, with some amazing super-human skills. Like, he can beat people at Columns, and probably do quite well at Puzzle Bobble too. Let me remind you again, he's COLOUR-BLIND! He is like DareDevil! I tell you, it's amazing.

Also, he has the entire Star Wars episode 4-6 memorised. All the Yoda speak, and all the muppet squeaks. It's very entertaining.


Anyway, back to Clerks. This guy is a fellow Kevin Smith fan as well. He must've watched Clerks at least 20 times. And even played Chasing Amy over and over until my DVD cracked.

Naturally, we're excited about the Clerks sequel. The trailer is here. ViewAskew.com has a ton of other footage to see too.

The movie is opening on 21st July. But I can't get too excited about the date, because there's a snowball's chance in hell that this kind of show will hit the screens here. Canne's films have little to no appeal to our zombie masses. Just checked Golden Village's Coming Soon attractions, and there's no sign of that there either.

I've often thought of Sibu as having no culture. Then KL as being a zombie culture. Seems, Singapore is mostly yuppie culture, things that feign culture. Maybe I don't belong to this world...


Well, just have to be patient, and wait for the mountain to come to me...

The first Clerks is an amazingly movie, made at the cost of a mere $27k, after Kevin Smith quit Vancouver Film School. The entire film was in black and white, cos that's the film he could afford. The movie takes place at the same convenient store where Kevin worked. He's a clerk by day, and movie maker by night, after the store has closed.

One film festival, a Miramax guy later, and the rest is history.


Clerks was a story of two guys, Dante working at the Quik-Stop convenience store, Randall at RST Videos, and going nowhere fast. They meet, and deal with, annoying customers, and spend the bulk of the film picking apart pop culture, especially Star Wars.

"Empire had the better ending: Luke gets his hand cut off, and finds out Vader's his father; Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. And that's life-a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets."

In Clerks 2, Randall has burnt down the Quik-Stop. Thus they have to get new jobs, at Mooby's, a fast food outlet. 32 yrs old, and flipping burgers.

"With no powers, comes no responsibility."


The dialogue and the characters are what made most of Kevin's films. And there's just something unbelieveably funny about watching a stoner dance.

The stoner above is Jay (Jason Mewes), and the guy in the back is Silent Bob (Kevin Smith). And the picture on Jay's shirt is the Buddy Christ, featured in Dogma, an excellent film which was unfortunately spoilt by Linda Florentino's lack of acting. It's like what Anakin's acting did to the Star Wars saga, but worse...


Closing off with an example of great dialogue in Clerks...

Dante: Yeah, right. You can't get enough of me.
Veronica: Typically male point of view.
D: How do you figure?
V: You show some bedroom proficiency, and you think you're gods. What about what we do for you?
D: Women? Women, as lovers, are all basically the same: they just have to be there.
V: "Be there?"
D: Making a male climax is not all that challenging: insert somewhere close and preferably moist; thrust; repeat.
V: How flattering.
D: Now, making a woman cum...therein lies a challenge.
V: Oh, you think so?
D: A girl makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a girl cum, it's talent.
V: And I actually date you?
D: Something wrong?
V: I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. Just "being there"-as you put it-is not enough.
D: I touched a nerve.
V: I'm astonished to hear you trivialize my role in our sex life.
D: It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization.
V: You were making a generalization about "broads!"
D: These are my opinions based on my experiences with the few women who were good enough to sleep with me.
V: How many?
D: How many what?
V: How many girls have you slept with?
D: How many different girls? Didn't we already have this discussion once?
V: We might have; I don't remember. How many?
D: Including you?
V: It better be up to and including me.
D: (pause to count) Twelve.
V: You've slept with twelve different girls?
D: Including you; yes.

Pause. She slaps him.

D: What the hell was that for?
V: You're a pig.
D: Why'd you hit me?
V: Do you know how many different men I've had sex with?
D: Do I get to hit you after you tell me?
V: Three.
D: Three?
V: Three including you.
D: You've only had sex with three different people?
V: I'm not the pig you are.
D: Who?
V: You!
D: No; who were the three, besides me?
V: John Franson and Rob Stanslyk.
D: (with true admiration) Wow. That's great. That's something to be proud of.
V: I am. And that's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes.
D: Animal, vegetable, or mineral.
V: Vegetable meaning paraplegic.
D: They put up the least amount of struggle.
V: After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me. Big.

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