Strawberry Fields

Went up to Arthur's Seat. Just a hill-top where you can get a nice view of the country side and the bay.

And somewhere close by, there's a strawberry orchard. For an AUD$5 entry fee, you get to go in and pick yourself 500gm of strawberries.

Useful tip #1, walk to the patch that's furthest away. Logically, fewer people take the simple effort to walk that extra distance, so you get juicier ripe berries there.

Tip #2, grasp the stalk and pull. You don't want to bruise the fruit when picking it.

Tip #3, insect repellent!


Summer means bugs and flies. Swarms of irritating flies. Everywhere.

Even in the city, those flies will come and kiss your face or attempt to pollinate your nostril with something nasty. Why they do this is a mystery to me. I certainly don't smell like food.

One theory is that they keep the city too clean, there's not enough dog turd or garbage lying around to keep them occupied.

So I keep looking for one of those outback hats with the wide leather brim and the dozen or so corks hanging from short strings all around the brim. The little corks prepetually swinging like a horse's tail and keeping the bugs at bay. I would look stupid, but my nostrils will be bug-free.

Alas, no luck looking for these hats. They must look so macho that they are sold out everywhere...


Dinner was pizza.

Aussie servings are HUGE!

Even for me.

Anyway, dinner was memorable for me: a large fisherman's basket with lots of juicy calamari rings that no one else wanted to eat...

Melbourne in Summer

This is my second time in Melbourne.

The first time was several years ago, in winter. Yet somehow, I don't remember being quite so miserable the last time. 14-27 degrees Celsius isn't my idea of a summer. And there's the wind chill factor...

But cold is relative. I still got more than a fair stare of half exposed bosoms in the streets of Melbourne.


Enough with the reminescing...

Am in Melbourne this time around with my parents to attend my sis' convocation. Was going to be a nice family thing. Then four other relatives wanted to come along, since they aren't literally equipped to navigate international travel without help, and this was a rare opportunity for them. Thus it became a circus.


We wasted no time doing the touristy stuff. Started with a picnic at the Dandenong Mountains. An interesting picnic spot because of the 'wild' birds there. They've no fear of people, and will eagerly perch on your arms for sunflower seeds. Makes for interesting photos and picnic companions. But if you're not careful, they'll nibble at your macadamia cookies as well.

It's Me!bourne

Uneventful flight to Melbourne.

Many hours on plane cramped between old people.

But there's an LCD console that plays movies. Good chance to catch up on all the cool stuff that's neither worth paying to watch, nor worth the effort to download.


There's Must Love Dogs with John Cusack.

I'll invent a new metaphor for movies like this: It's like sex with a $10 prostitute.

It's a love story with a mechanical plot, just going through the motions. Boy. Girl. Dogs. Family members. Token best friends. Comic. Token love triangle. A completely unrealistic ending with the girl swimming after Cusack on a row-boat. Riiiiiight!!!


There's Initial D.

It's a movie with a plot as matured as the Manga. But some credit needs to be given to the director and cinematographer. The techniques used gave it a suitable manga feel to it, and not so overdone as Ang Lee's The Hulk.


There's The Librarian.

I'm tired at this point. Picked a movie where I didn't need to concentrate on the plot. A bookish Indiana, a downsized Lara Croft, Kelly Hu, and a bunch of bad guys who can inexplicably materialise anywhere in the world 3 seconds after the hero finds the magic artifact. Yea, the best tracker in the Amazon can track through a collapsed bridge, a waterfall and through Shangrila.


Finally, Trainman.

Supposedly, a blockbuster in Japan. Story of an Otaku -(something like a Jap version of a Trekkie, but with an anime obsession)- who meets a decent girl, and tries to woo her, with all the moral support from his other Otaku friends on IRC.

Very interesting story-telling. Was enjoying the movie up to the point when the flight attendant took away my headphones. But I could still go on with just the subtitles, until the screen blanked out when the plane was making its final approach. So I didn't quite find out what the girl says to the geek's wish to be more than friends. GAAAAAAAAA!!!

I'm hoping the program will still be there on my flight back to KL....


Arrival in Melbourne airport. 2045H local time. Bought a bunch of smokes. Greeted at the baggage claim by an adorable beagle (that's my guess, I'm not a dog person.) Navigated through their strict quarantine procedures. Managed to cart in enough stock to set up a grocer! Luckily, the instant mee, crackers, dried cuttlefish, chinese herbs etc didn't get confiscated.

Outside temperature was in the teens. And the wind-chill factor makes it really miserable. This is summer?

Happy Birthday to me..........

...Self explanatory post...

The Order of the Stick - followup

And in the newest comic,

Panel 3:
"It means my speech is all funny-sounding."


Panel 4:
"Come again?"


Panel 6:
"Can somebody please get weepy transsexual off me?"



"WEEPY TRANSSEXUAL"!!!

That word stymied me for a bit. Thought I made a mistake somewhere.

This cryptogram was considerably tougher, having fewer words to work with, first of all...


And, this comic:
Panel 1:
"Maybe you're right..."

Deduced this from context.

Order of the Stick

There's a phenomenon on the internet called web-comics.

These are comics that are published solely on the web, frequently drawn by part-time comic artists who are still testing their wings and trying to build up an audience for their work. Most try to use their web-page to generate advertising income, or print T-Shirts. Some work hard to promote their work via frequent attendance of comic conventions around the States. A few are successful enough to begin small print runs of their collected comics and mail order to loyal fans.

But there's also a massive horde of 12 yr olds who take plagiarized pictures, video game sprites, Photoshop, a generous helping of expletives, in order to express their misguided humour and share the void in their mind & soul with the unfortunate web passer-bys. Stumbling upon such compost is like being flashed by a fat bastard in the street.


But there are some gems out there. The reason that many of them are not Scott Adams is not because of their lack of talent or humour. Sometimes, their humour is a little too niche and not available to those who have little exposure to the artist's world.

Examples of these being:
Larry Leadhead - a webcomic about a guy who's into tabletop war-gaming and painting tiny lead miniatures.

Turn Signals on a Land Raider - about Warhammer 40k specifically, a popular tabletop wargame.


The few that managed to get into print:
Errant Story - an ongoing fantasy, swords & sorcery comic.

MegaTokyo - an inexplicably successful manga drawn by a gaijin. Not even that funny. There are assistants in manga sweatshops in Japan with better technique. And the 1337 5pe@k one of the characters use is just irritating. But it has gotten itself published. It appears that Japanese schoolgirls have an unusually powerful magnetic draw on adolescent psyche.


Then some with 'alternative strategies':
Chugworth Academy - has rather juvenile gags, some punchlines don't even make sense, but art-wise the artist is very talented... especially when drawing nymphettes. His last sketch of the female lead in a tennis costume went on ebay for £360.


A few rather notable ones:
Penny Arcade - a comic that speaks to geeks & gamers, lampoons popular culture, but some jokes do require a *FAIR* bit of geek-ness to catch. And some require so much geek to understand that I weep for my poor lost soul... But most times it's just two pathetic characters throwing insults at each other.

Something Positive - is a rather angsty comic, but has a strong following, mostly because there are many fans of the boneless pink cat that used to ooze into another webcomic and steal the female lead's underwear. The artist challenged his readers (who complained that he didn't update regularly enough) to donate him money, and if he receives enough to cover a year's salary, then he'll quit his job and do the comic full time. He got more than US$20,000.


But my favourite web-comic is The Order of the Stick.

It's a stick figure comics, but the cast is adorable. Some of the jokes do make references to game rules of Dungeons & Dragons, but even if you do miss some of the hilarious insider jokes, the story is still very accessible to the masses.

I'm suddenly doing a big write-up of web-comics cos of the latest strip of OOTS.

I noticed a pattern to the gibberish that Haley was spouting, and on closer examination, I see many signs that it's a simple substitution cypher.

And... I went and took the time to decode it. The capital "F" is most obviously an "I". And "rdd" is most likely to be "all". And "Xqrm?", a single word sentence ending with a "?" will most likely be "What?". And so forth....

So, here is it:

Panel 4, "Treasure!"

Panel 5, "Gone! All of it, gone!! I Can't believe it's all gone!" "I got eaten by a dragon for that freakin' treasure!"

Panel 6, "I got vomited up! By a disgusting acid-breathing dragon! And now it's GONE!"

Panel 7, "Not THE loot, MY loot. Mine!"

Panel 8, "Wait, why do I sound funny? Hello? Hello?"

Panel 10, "What? No! Don't you dare!"

Panel 11, "Sneak attack boot to the face!"

Panel 12, "Darn Straight."

Sweet, Dude!

Not one of my proudest moments...

Watched Dude, Where's My Car last night.

Silly. Stupid. But at least it harbours no delusions as to what it is.

An honestly stupid movie.

Something to fill the silence while I worked on my rambling blog on Alan Moore.

Stupid, inane dialogue using words like "hoo-hoos"...

Still, it beats dialogue like, "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and
irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here
everything's soft... and smooth..."

Mysteries are wonders you can ponder and share. Secrets are burdens you carry alone.

When one thinks about graphic novels, most would invariably think of Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, and Alan Moore as numbering amongst the greats. Some will say Stan Lee too, and I will agree that he has created many incredible characters, but I find his stories very disappointing. And there's the legendary Jack Kirby, who had a hand in creating the bulk of Marvel-verse, but my palate is already accustomed to contemporary styles and I find myself unable to enjoy his work within the context of the era they were created.


I started into graphic novels with Neil Gaiman's The Sandman, which pretty much turned me into a Gaiman fan-boy for life. His works need no further introductions from me, although there's always the Wiki if you need it.

After lapping up Gaiman, I discovered Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns and Sin City novels.


And although I've heard of Alan Moore for a long time already, I was not as enthusiastic about him as I had with Neil or Frank. But I did read Watchmen, which is an incredible tale like no other. It is a superhero story that highlights a question that we have been begging to ask for decades, but everyone politely looks the other way: why DOES Batman and Superman wear their underwear on the outside ?

Many superheros have their origins shaped by severe psychological & emotional trauma, or tragic scientific accidents or mutations, they face solitude, ostracism, persecution, psychotic villains, irrational hatred, all the while juggling their multiple identities, their tenuous ties with humanity, challenging personal lives, conflicting moralities or egos, their greater responsibilities, inexplicable spandex/leather fetishes, exhibitionism & self-image disorders etc, it's a wonder that so few of them are barking mad.

Most of the Watchmen subtly parodies other more recognisable figures in superhero comics, but their neuroses are more apparent. It is a rather unique take on the genre.


I was reasonably impressed by Watchmen. But I didn't continue with Alan's other works cos the only other comic I was able to get hold of was his Swamp Thing series. And I'm not particularly fascinated by B-grade horror stories of a moss-covered bogey-man.

There was even a movie of the Swamp Thing in 1982, and even a TV series. They're like your typical science gone wrong, scientist murdered, turns into mass of avenging vegetation, kills murderers, rescues dames, and inserted gratuitious nudity to bolster an obviously flaccid movie.

Could I be more wrong...

Alan Moore took over Swamp Thing from issue #20 onwards, and took the comic in a grand new direction.

He rewrote the nature of the Swamp Thing, and built him into a greater story. In the course of which, Alan also created John Constantine, who has since made numerous other cross-comic appearances, have his own Hellblazer series, and even a Keanu movie.

Alan uses Swamp Thing, an unlikely 'superhero', to talk about diverse subjects and issues. Guns. Slavery. Nuclear dumping. Desecration of the environment. PMS.

Oh yeah! You heard right. PMS was addressed in a comic book. In a tale about lycantropy (that's werewolves for those of you with an, er..., innocent vocabulary), Alan expanded the theme to tell how even modern liberated women remain oppressed by society. That how little has changed since the days when native Americans confined their women to a stilted lodge during their periods so that they will not befoul the land . And lycantropy becomes a story of cursed, suppressed rage.


In the course of the series, Swamp Thing fell in love, lost his love, went to hell to bring her back, met his previous incarnation of earth elementals, went back to hell to fight Cthullu, found his love arrested in Gotham for 'Acts against nature', beat up Batman, was assassinated, travelled the cosmos, and in the last few books written by Alan, Swamp Thing returns to Earth.


It's simply amazing what Alan Moore did with a swamp monster.

Worth a read. If you can scare up all the old issues. Or if the powers that be publish a collection.

Following are some of my favourite quotes from the comic.


"Y'know what? You don't ask me to feed you, or tidy the swamp, or iron shirts, and I get fresh flowers all year round. You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little... ...except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus."


"Evil exists only to be avenged, so that others may see what ruin comes of opposing that great voice, and cleave more wholly to its will, fearing its retribution!"


"The black soil is rich in foul decay, yet glorious life springs form it. But however dazzling, the flourishes of life in the end all decays to the same black humus. Perhaps evil is the humus formed by virtue's decay, and perhaps it is from that dark, sinister loam that virtue grows strongest."


"Me? I'm just an ordinary person with ordinary needs: food, shelter, sleep, sex, recreation, and a safe world to enjoy it all in. That's all most ordinary people want, all us poor, uncomplicated buggers. We're harmless. It's all the extraordinary people who are dangerous. The ones who wake up thinking 'Will I conquer Europe today?' instead of 'What's for breakfast?' That short needs watching."


"The suburbs, with their crew-cut lawns and nervous shrubbery."

---'Nervous shrubbery', heh....


"All existence is purely vibrational at the most basic level. And that to explore areas beyond our own, one needs to only oscillate at other frequencies."

---S.T. on Super String Theory?!


"And having loved, she sleeps. It is a human thing, to affirm life so fiercely and so physically, surrendering the body to some ancient and vestigial pelvic brain. And, having done this, to allow all such vitality to cease. To strike a contrast. Between those red, carnal moments. And the blue, enduring coma-hours. It is a human thing."

---S.T on love. 'Vestigial pelvic brain'. What a cool phrase.---


"Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel who thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded."

---Frankenstein, Mary Shelley---

The Sky Is Falling

New Disney cartoon: Chicken Little.



They're doing a Pixar style CG cartoon, where all the characters look like they're made of pastel shaded clay. Which is pretty fun to watch. The animators can take the computer model of a Charlie-Brown-headed chicken, and make it do adorable things like break-dancing or nerd-dancing (defined as a clueless, self-absorbed, one hop behind what's hip, dancing style that you often see on teen movies when anyone with glasses tries to command the dance floor.)

You can go make Chicken Little dance at his website.

Pixar's contract with Disney will expire next year, after Cars. And that's why Disney wants to have their own go at CG cartoons, to try to show up Pixar. The success of Chicken Little will have an impact on the new deal they renegotiate then, or failing which, they may just part ways.


Biggest plus point of the movie: Chicken Little is voiced by Zach Braff, ie. Dr. John Dorian from Scrubs. Who, I just found out, has a blog. Though he doesn't seem to write very regularly, being busy moving up into movies and all... WHERE'S season 5 of Scrubs!!!???


And the 'Hollywood' Chicken Little is voiced by Adam West. That's a hoot!! Yes, THE Adam West! The original 60's Batman! The success of which cursed his career forevermore cos he couldn't be casted in any other role and be taken seriously.


Anyway, the cartoon... Mainly, you just get to see Chicken Little being adorable. There's a couple of gags (guess who runs the china shop?) and the characters are all pretty cute. Plotwise, it's something like Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers. A pint-sized Indiana, an inarticulate comic-relief, an obese side-kick, a 'babe' side-kick, all having an adventure.

Nothing ground-breaking or spectacular about this cartoon. Just a good way to pass 70min of your time. And it appears that dogs form the majority of the population of Oakley. The CG team uses the same computer model and just slap different textures on it, that's all.

The ending is kinda cool though. It's a jab at how Hollywood gives everything the 'Hollywood treatment' and turns every story into a formula. But seeing the reaction of the audience, I started to see something more...

You can't blame Hollywood for every piece of crap. You can't blame them for the cliches and formula they employ in their movies. Gotta remember that they are just pandering to the lowest common denominator. If movies are getting bad, it's probably a reflection that the general populace is getting dimmer. Gotta remember that we are living in a world where a movie about an ice-berg created a sensation.


Memorable quotes:

Token gay character: "You leave Barbara out of this!"

...um... am I the only that made this connection ?

Gush! Gush! Gush!

Just "gotten hold of" a number of movies...

Several Stephen Chow classics, a new episode of Family Guy, Wallace & Gromit and the Curse of the Were-Rabbit, A Bug's Life (always a keeper), and Serenity.

Thought these were perfect movies to play in the background while I work on my DeathJack (see previous blog).

Wallace & Gromit was a fun watch. Couldn't do any painting with that. The whole point of the movie was the clay-mation, so it doesn't make sense to take my eyes off the screen for a second.

Clay bunnies are adorable.

So Wallace & Gromit are running a humane pest extermination business. They catch rabbits from the gardens of their clients, and adopt them, and feed them, instead of giving them myxomatosis and calcivirus. Then Wallace invents something. Wallace gets in trouble. Brave Gromit cleans up the mess and saves Wallace. Wallace eats some cheese.

Your typical W&G adventure. But still well done. It's great to see that there are still people out there in the business of making magic for the children. I was watching Sesame Street for many years before I noticed the metal wire that's always attached to Kermit's right arm.


Now here comes the gush....

Serenity.

...oops! Wrong link! Serenity, now!



Speechless.

It's like watching Star Wars: A New Hope, for the first time.

It's a space sci-fi that isn't CRAP!

You have Hans Solo and the Millenium Falcon and his Wookie, helping Luke rescue his sister Leia, who is wanted by the evil Empire, and hunted by a dude dressed in black.....

Sorry.... I mean, you have Captain Malcolm Reynolds, and the spaceship Serenity, and his human crew, helping Simon rescue his sister River Tam, who is wanted by the evil Alliance, and hunted by a black assassin dude.

The story is written by the guy who created Buffy. And he writes good. Now I regret never having paid any attention to Buffy before.

Serenity is a space opera with very well thought out and developed characters. It's incredible how much story was woven into the universe and each member of the crew in the short 2 hours. Even with the gratuitious space battle, and the Dark Angel/Buffy/Alias-esque super-soldier-chick-kicks-asses action.

Serenity is a really good watch. Already watching it the second time.

Next, must get Firefly.


Meanwhile, my DeathJack is still incomplete....